I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
