There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
did you just send me my own nude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
