i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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