ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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