ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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