dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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