i can't believe i had my finger in that
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
