guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
