He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize