On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
