you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize