Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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