I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
