no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
