i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
