Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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