I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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