drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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