I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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