I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
