Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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