Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
