when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
