The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
operation have a gay friend backfired
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
