Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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