OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
