sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize