Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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