I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
