on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
