A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
