too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
