Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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