Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
