I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
