I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
