Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
