just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
