i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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