I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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