Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
