Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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