Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
