My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize