ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
