did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize