I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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