In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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