I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
