I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize