im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
