You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
