just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
