like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
