my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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