I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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