I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
