he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
