she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
