she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
