he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
