you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
