i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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