dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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