She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
