My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
