meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is Oprah even human
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
