Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
