i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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