question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
