I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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