THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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