Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
