I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize