I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
