I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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