You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
