How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
